# Why Men Stay Stuck: The Hidden Forces That Keep Us in Place

In these articles, I'm going to explore some of the reasons men stay in jobs and careers they don't enjoy. This may even apply to their intimate relationships. I'll explain why this choice is understandable, but ultimately meaningless and harmful both to them and their loved ones—even the ones they're staying unhappy for. 

## The Monday Morning Reality 

It's Monday morning. You sit in the car and turn on the engine. It fires up, and after a moment it begins to purr. It's a nice car, has one of those LED screens that tells you the weather and remembers the last track you played. But inside, you can't believe Friday went by so fast and now it's Monday again.  

You aren't afraid to go to work. It's comfortable and familiar. It's just...it's just...you feel like you have to fake your enthusiasm. That new project or new customer or new client you used to eagerly pursue just doesn't enthuse you anymore. You feel empty inside, to some degree. At least to the degree that you want and should feel about your work. 

But you shake off those feelings once again, put the car in gear and head to work. Though it's getting harder to do, and acting on your dreams feels impossible anyway. People would be disappointed. They may even think you're being fake. And this nice car won't pay for itself. 

## Fear of Disappointing Our Family, Colleagues, and Cultural Expectations 

No one likes to disappoint the people they love. Not really. Even rebels care about what their loved ones think, they just want to let it be known that it's on their terms.  

We are tribal beings, and status within our tribe feels like it matters. We look around us and when we are with like-minded friends, we have a feeling that we belong. That we are okay. We may think, "I'm a New Yorker, I love the Jets, and on Friday's it's poker with the boys." Or, "I'm a local business owner, I work hard, treat my staff right, and it's all family on the weekend." In all likelihood, the men around us hold similar values. 

It's expected that we'll do some version of this until we retire. It's expected that we'll never change. 

But what if we ourselves change? And trust me, it can come on fast. Sometimes as a result of a major life event (a death of loved one, getting sober), and sometimes as the result of an inspirational moment—a movie, a book, or someone seeing something in you that's been long hidden. Then, something awakens inside of you, and you can't put it back. Then what? 

Firstly, it's actually a very normal feeling. Most of us live with a feeling: Something isn't right. Something is no longer congruent. What's not normal is having someone who knows what to do about it. Mostly, people just suppress it. At a price. 

My experience is that the world has changed. And suppressing isn't what we're called to do. Our hearts have changed. We see more and, in some ways, we want more. And perhaps, thanks to social media and wider exposure to possibilities, we feel a little more able to reach for more. 

## The Sunk Cost Fallacy of Professional Achievement and Credentials 

Men today in this place of inner conflict—where the conflict is too big to ignore—have to make a choice. We have to take risks that may leave friends and family disappointed (or so we believe).  

We often fall into the sunk cost fallacy – we need to follow through on that career because we've invested money, time, and energy. To be fair, we may have, or our family may have, invested tens of thousands of dollars. Still, it is a fallacy that this should keep us in an unenjoyable, meaningless job. 

## How Predictable Unhappiness Feels Safer Than Unpredictable Growth 

It's also much safer doing what you know. Predictable unhappiness feels safer than unpredictable growth. If we follow our heart, will we be able to attain the same level of status and skill as in the career path we've walked all our life? We won't know for sure, and that can grow our fear that we'll be making a choice to be less successful, and others may wonder why we would take such a risk. 

But our hearts don't care about safety. And the truth is, you can add some predictability to a new path. 

In my next article, I'll share specific strategies for breaking free from this invisible prison without losing everything you've built. The journey from identity to purpose doesn't have to mean starting from zero—it means building something more meaningful on the foundation you already have.